


Over That Line

by Bloody_Willamina



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-17 08:15:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11847567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bloody_Willamina/pseuds/Bloody_Willamina
Summary: Still affected by what happened on Hoff, John pays a visit to his Doc to see how Carson is handling everything.





	Over That Line

**Author's Note:**

> First attempt at SGA fiction. I won't lie to you, this is not a good story. But everyone has to start somewhere. I do apologize for the meh of this story.

Beckett had been locked in his room on Atlantis since they returned from the Hoffan planet. Elizabeth Weir and Rodney McKay had both gone to Sheppard and had expressed their concerns regarding their resident doctor. John walked down the hall, wondering what he could possibly do to help Carson. Both Rodney and Elizabeth wouldn't be happy if he failed, but he knew that they would be disappointed in him if he didn't at least try. He reached Beckett's quarters and stopped short. John still had no idea what he was going to say and he began to pace while he thought about it. He didn't get to pace for long before the door to Carson's room opened. Carson stared at him blankly. His once vibrant eyes were now dull and puffy from crying. John blanched slightly, not wanting to deal with a crying man. When women cried, it made him uncomfortable; he could only imagine how awkward he'd be if he was around a man who was crying.

"Carson-" He started. Carson's confused face stopped any of his other words from leaving his mouth.

"I expected someone...but you Major? You're a surprise." John frowned slowly. "You drew the short straw."

He knew he and the Doc weren't exactly close, but he couldn't believe Carson really thought they weren't friends or that he didn't care enough to check on him. Sure he had been pressured by Elizabeth and Rodney, but he would have checked on his Doc, sooner rather then later without the prodding from the other two. "It's not like that, Doc."

Carson didn't buy it, but didn't say anymore on the subject.

"Can I come in?"

There was some silent debate, John could tell by the tense silence. But Carson eventually moved aside and let John through. John gazed around the room, curious about Carson's personal life; now that he was actually in his room. The room was slightly dimmer then John suspected, but that could have just been a reflection of the Scotsmen's mood. There was a plaque of his medical license. Medicine was Carson's first love and John had expected there to be something in Carson's quarters dedicated to that. But mainly he saw photo's. There was one of Carson in Atlantis, one with Rodney, Zelenka and Carson, and then a few with others that John didn't recognize. Most likely family or friends that were still on Earth.

There was a tense moment before Carson's voice finally cut in,"Why are you really here, Major? Because I buy Elizabeth and Rodney being worried about me, but they wouldn't guilt you into checking up on me if your were uncomfortable with it."

John swallowed uneasily,"I saw how you were with the Hoffan's, when you lost Perna." He saw Carson's face break slightly, and tears began to well up in the corner of his eyes. "You're not handling it well, and I wanted to help."

Carson shook his head sadly,"I can't get Perna's face out of my head. I keep seeing all of their faces. They're all dead."

"You don't know that Carson." John didn't know how he could console him.

"The wraith aren't just going to let them go free, you told me that. This is all my fault."

"No, you were only trying to help Carson, trying to create a way to make it impossible for the wraith to feed off of humans. You didn't intend for it to become a weapon. You argued against them infecting their people with the retrovirus. You didn't do this. This is on them, Carson."

Before he had even realized it, he had Carson in his arms and he was stroking Carson's back. Either Carson didn't mind or he was comfortable enough with John. Whatever the case, Carson buried his head in John's neck and hugged John back tightly. He wasn't bawling, which John was grateful for, but he also knew Carson needed this. He wasn't even bothered by their proximity like he imagined he'd be. They hugged for a long time, but when Carson finally pulled away John felt as though they hadn't hugged long enough.

"That may be so, John, but it was my idea, my research. Those deaths are my responsibility, they're all on me and I have to live with it."

John knew how that went, there were so many deaths he had to live with in his long career in the military. He gently cupped Carson's cheek. "I wish I could tell you it gets easier."

That captured Carson's attention and he stared at John in anguish. John took a deep breath in,"Let me help you."

Carson blinked in disbelief. He had just told him that time didn't help. Carson knew there wasn't a quick fix, he was a doctor for god's sake, he's lost plenty of people, and he was adamant that John could not help him. He hated feeling like he loathed himself, like he had let himself and everyone around him down. He should have fought harder, destroyed his research, or just left...not had anything to do with those people and what they wanted. He should have done **SOMETHING!** John went back to rubbing Carson's back as he let the Doctor get everything off of his chest. Judging by Carson's face, he suspected Carson wasn't aware that he was talking out loud.

"Even if you did things differently Carson, the end result may have still turned out the same." John interrupted.

Carson paused, completely shocked that he had voiced all his inner thoughts. "Yeah...I know. I just..." He frowned,"I should have listened to you."

John sighed deeply,"I don't think anything would have saved the Hoffan's."

"But I could-"

"No! You'll beat yourself up about it until there's nothing left. All you could have hoped to do is prolong it, but it would have ended the same way."

Carson shivered, but he knew John was telling the truth as he saw it, and he had to face it now. It wasn't healthy for him to live that way, but his oath and his training didn't give him much of an outlet. "There were so many people."

John's frown deepened. It was different for Carson, and he knew it. "You've lost patient's before, right Carson?" There was a soft yes in reply. "Well, how did you get over those losses?"

Carson's eyes automatically dipped down to John's lips, but reality came crashing back to him. He was still in John's arms, clinging to him like some helpless babe, and he was still glancing obviously so at John's lips. Forcing his eyes away from those lips, he had to remind himself that John was straight, or had never shown interest in him. There was no way he was going to make a pass at their military leader. Carson knew he'd need some form of intimacy, it's how he'd always coped with losses in the past, but now his choices for that were limited and with consequences attached. With abrupt movements, Carson got out of John's embrace and put distance between them.

"I'll find a way to pull myself together. Thank you for stopping by, Major."

John watched Carson carefully, before he followed,"Carson.." He had gone to touch his shoulder, but Carson shrugged off the contact.

"I think you should leave now, John."

Forcibly, John turned Carson around, and didn't hesitate to kiss the Scottish man. The kiss and the movements themselves were quite rough. Carson hadn't thought about it, he simply grabbed the side and back of John's head to hold him in place. He gave as good as he got, placing their bodies closely together. John swallowed Carson's needy moans, whimpers, and noises, as well as his tongue. He broke away from the kiss, to look into Carson's half-lidded eyes. He was also out of breath and paused as he held Carson back from continuing. "Is this what you need? Because if it is-"

He was cut off by Carson slapping his cheek. "I don't need a pity fuck or a fuck out of obligation."

John rubbed the side of his face tenderly. "I...This is none of those things. I know it came across...I wouldn't fuck you out of pity, Carson. I'm not that callous." He tried to tell himself that as well as convince Carson.

Carson sagged,"I...do need this, but I'm not prepared to throw our friendship away for this. I'll find someone else."

John felt a flare of uneasiness that he failed to identify as jealousy at that. "No. We're not. Our friendship will still be intact. Promise." He grabbed at Carson again and kissed him with more vigor. Carson was too weak to protest, and he wanted to believe John. Deep down he knew they were destroying the small friendship that had begun to build. It was wrong, and they were crossing over a line that they'd never be able to uncross, but with John's hot tongue gliding across his, and his strong hands on his hips leading him backwards towards his back room and the bed laying inside, he couldn't resist. It was only going to be a one night thing, and Carson knew how badly he'd crave more then one night, he'd end up ruining whatever their one night stand was going to leave them with. Carson had just about convinced himself to avoid the heartbreak that was to come. John was an attractive man, and one Carson had almost instantly had a crush on, he had fallen for John's personality over the few months he'd come to know him as well. However, they had fallen onto the bed, and with John's reassuring weight on top of him, their lips, tongues, and hands all over each other, exploring, tasting and feeling, Carson gave over to the sensations. He wrapped his arms around John more firmly, kissed him hungrily, and didn't let go. He'd deal with the heartbreak, and the fallout in the morning; but now, now he just needed to feel John's body, and worked to take off the Major's clothes.


End file.
